Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hey guys, welcome back to the light hit just right.
[00:00:03] I want to say that I'm thankful that you guys are tuning in. I appreciate all the love that I've gotten from the first couple of episodes.
[00:00:10] And goes without saying that I appreciate that you're here listening to this one as well.
[00:00:17] This episode today.
[00:00:20] I guess this is kind of a continuation of the last episode. Maybe this is the child of the last episode where we spoke about being the man of the house and, you know, men being forced into a level of hardness or, you know, how the world kind of shapes us regardless of how we're brought up.
[00:00:41] And I think this is a continuation of that, possibly a child of that.
[00:00:46] So let's just get right into it.
[00:00:49] First thing I want to.
[00:00:51] The first image I would like to paint is going through a storm. So I don't know about you, but I really enjoy those days or those. It's usually the afternoon when it's not quite bright daytime, but it's not quite nighttime yet. So it's like right at the end of the day there and there's a storm going.
[00:01:11] And I'm talking about like monsoon type storm with the thunder and the lightning. And you know, it's completely dreary outside, but the wind is blowing. You're hearing the wind blow, you're hearing the rain change directions. And sometimes it's hitting the window, sometimes it's not. And it gets a little bit more quiet and peaceful, but you know that it's coming again as soon as that wind picks up. And then the thunder every now and then, or you'll see the lightning and you'll try to anticipate when the thunder is gonna come. Because I know that. I don't know if this is actually true, but there was like an old saying that if you count seconds between when the lightning you see the lightning and when you hear the thunder, that's how many miles away the lightning actually is. And so, you know those days when it's not close. Cause when it's close, that's scary. When it's immediately, you know, the crack you hear, you see the light and the crack happens at the same time, that's a little scary. But when it's a little further off, you know, and it's more of a rumbling as opposed of the thunder. So during those types of storms, I really love experiencing that. But, you know, and in thinking about that, the reason why I love it so much has more to do with the fact that I'm not actually having to be out in it than I realize. So I'm really just leaning into the storm and loving the sound and the way that it feels. However, the only reason I love it so much is because I'm not actually outside having to experience it. Because if I were outside having to experience that, if I didn't have any shelter over my head, I don't think it'd be enjoyable at all.
[00:02:46] The shelter is what provides me the ability to separate the feeling of having to be the victim of it and being able to witness its beauty.
[00:03:00] And if I mature that thought and carry it forward, this is maybe like the physical manifestation of what peace is.
[00:03:12] So constantly through life, we're being pulled and pushed and the wind is blowing, the seas are rough, and chaos is everywhere. And it's hard for us to be still in all that. It's hard for us to find calm and peace in that because of how chaotic everything is around us. But, you know, then grace of God, peace does find you and protects you. You know, I know a lot of people always say that, you know, I need to protect my peace, I need to protect my peace. But actually it's the other way around. Peace protects you, but grace of God, peace finds you. And you're able to stand up in the middle of all the chaos of your life, all the pulling, pushing, you're able to stand up in that. And I don't the word isn't be okay, but it's not the opposite of okay. It's a bit the ability to resist, the ability to continue, the ability to stand still, whatever that is. It's that you have the ability to do that. And that's where the comfort is, right? So the storm is still going outside, but inside my house, I'm able to witness the chaos, witness the turmoil that's happening outside, but yet still feel protected and safe enough to find enjoyment in it. And I know that in life, sometimes you're not enjoying the things that you're standing in the middle of, but at least you're able to stand without issue.
[00:04:39] And that makes me think about.
[00:04:44] That makes me think about how difficult being a man in the world is. And I'm not saying this to belittle women's experience at all. So I promise you that's not the aim of this. This is just, you know, specifically something that, you know, because I'm a man, I get to experience firsthand.
[00:05:08] So please don't take any offense to this. If you're not a man, perhaps you can learn something about the male experience through this, though. And, you know, it will allow you to love your men, your sons, your fathers a little bit easier.
[00:05:21] Just knowing that there is something that's going on in them as well. It's not just an experience that women have.
[00:05:28] But as a man, it's very important to learn certainty.
[00:05:40] It's very important to know your ability to resist the chaos of the world, to stand up in spite of the chaos, the winds, the water of the world, the heartache, the failures, the rejections.
[00:06:07] And I believe that, you know, as we're taught from an early age, that we have to just suck it up or get over whatever bad things happen to us. And, you know, hey, be a man. Stand up and be a man. You know, the idea of that we're never really given an opportunity to nurse the hurt, not in a real way.
[00:06:36] We've learned to channel that into anger. We've learned to channel that into more chaos. So we're in the middle of chaos, and instead of just standing still and learning to embody that peace, we decide instead to create more chaos as a offset to the chaos that we're in. Because, you know, we can be chaos makers too. And if, if we're doing. If we're creating chaos, then that kind of, in some kind of weird way protects us from the chaos. We become predators as opposed to victims.
[00:07:16] And I think that's part of the. Part of the way that we went wrong.
[00:07:21] We find our strength in more chaos. We find our strength and resistance. You know, if you go to the gym, the reason why your muscles get stronger is because, you know there's resistance against your muscles. So it. It works in theory, But I don't believe that. I don't believe that our hearts work the same way. Our minds may work the same way, but I don't believe that our hearts work the same way. And there's not much heart talk when it comes to men. Unless it's a heart attack. There's not much heart as. As far as feeling goes when it comes to men.
[00:07:51] So now I'm trying to figure out how, after all the years that I've lived and all the experiences that I've been through, how do I convince a younger me or a younger man to recognize, and I'm just going to say it this way, the strength in weakness.
[00:08:14] Their strength in weakness.
[00:08:20] I think that the quickest way I can. I can give you an analogy that perhaps will help you understand what I mean by that. It's like when you start a new task or a new thing, a new hobby or a new job or anything. Like that.
[00:08:42] You know, you're a rookie, you're a beginner.
[00:08:45] And a lot of people don't give any credit to the beginner. A lot of people, you know, look down on the beginner. But I happen to think that the beginner is probably the most dangerous person in the situation. And I don't mean dangerous in a bad way. I mean dangerous in the sense of. You have a lot of people that have been doing a thing for a while, and they've become complacent.
[00:09:06] You know, they've reached the plateau of what their talent is. They've reached the plateau of what their capability in that thing is. And now at this point, they're kind of just calling a lot of things in. They're just showing up and calling it in. But that beginner. That beginner comes in with fire in his stomach or her stomach, you know, that beginner has an insatiable desire to learn, become proficient, become a master, become a master of that thing, you know? And, I mean, of course, not every beginner. Sometimes people just show up because they're told they have to. But I'm talking about the true beginner, the one who's like, this is what I want to be one day.
[00:09:44] And I'm all the way at the. I'm at the first step of it. So now what do I do? And they just start consuming information, and they start applying things, and they. They're just. There's a hunger. There's a hunger to be better. Because even if. Even if my goal right now is just to not look like a beginner or a rookie anymore, just that goal right there is enough.
[00:10:04] So how I compare these things are. So I want to be strong one day. I want to. I want to be a person who is a strong person.
[00:10:14] But if I'm approaching it from I already have to be strong, there's gonna be some complacency here. There's gonna be some performing, and there's gonna be some lying. I'm gonna have to lie to myself. I'm gonna lie to others that I'm strong.
[00:10:26] And this is where you betray yourself, is when you have to lie to others that you're strong. Of course, you know, whether you're strong or not inside, you know whether you're strong or not. But when you have to put that mask on and pretend to the world or to somebody that you're strong and you're really not, that's where the betrayal. That's where.
[00:10:45] And when you start separating yourself from your other self.
[00:10:50] And I Think this is the moment where if a man were to have come to me in one of those moments and said to me, hey, you know, young blood, you don't have to be strong about this yet. In fact, your strength is in your ability to be weak right now. Because if you're weak right now, you're a beginner. You recognize you don't have the strength. So all you. The only thing you can do is get stronger. But if. If you're already saying, I'm a man, I'm strong, I can do this.
[00:11:21] Now you're doing so much performing that what are you learning? What are you actually building? Because if you start showing people that you're trying to build something, they're gonna be like, I thought you were strong.
[00:11:30] What are you doing push ups for? Why are you trying to get stronger? I thought you were strong. And then, you know, the act starts, the performance starts. So now you're forced to not be strong. I mean, you're forced to not learn from the weakness that you actually are.
[00:11:46] So I would have loved if I had been encouraged to lean into my weakness.
[00:11:51] And I know that sounds counterintuitive. That probably sounds crazy to a lot of men right now, but maybe it's because you've never taken the chance or taken the time to be a beginner or taken the time to be weak.
[00:12:05] Now, how does that actually play out, though?
[00:12:09] How does that actually play out in our lives?
[00:12:11] Most times when men have a catastrophic event in their lives, it's usually due to an incredible amount of pressure.
[00:12:24] Maybe some internal, but mostly external pressure. You know, there's something going on. They lost their job, or, you know, they lost a relationship, or they, you know, got into a.
[00:12:36] A situation somewhere, and they let their ego or their temper get the best of them, and now they're out in the street somewhere in a fight and hurt someone really badly. And now they're going to jail or prison for years because of the amount of pressure that was on them.
[00:12:58] And I think that has a lot to do. All those situations, not just the prison one, but all the ones. You know, I think a lot of that has to do with us performing strength.
[00:13:09] And then when something that has the ability to get under that performance armor hits us, we have to double down.
[00:13:23] Because the honest thing to do in that moment would be to say, hey, you know, I lied. I am. I'm not this strong. I can't handle this situation. Oh, you stepped on my shoe. And now I have no conflict resolution skills.
[00:13:36] Honestly. Honestly, I don't even Want to fight you. I don't want to make a big deal about this.
[00:13:41] I'm really weak right now. But because I jumped up when you stepped in my shoe, and now we're in this conflict, I can't back down. But I really want to back down.
[00:13:53] I didn't want to do this. I wanted to be better than this temptation. I wanted to be better than this emotional outburst that I just had. And I see how angry you are, too. And I'm guessing that if I feel like this, you might feel like this, too.
[00:14:07] But that thought never even gets a chance to break through because we're in performance mode already. And now it's double downtime. Because now that I've told you I was strong, I can't go back on that and let you see that I actually wasn't. Because then I'm a liar, I'm a fraud.
[00:14:25] And all I really wanted to do is just be weak for a second, because I recognized that whatever the situation was, it was bigger than me, and I allowed it. I mean, it wasn't bigger than me, but I allowed it to be.
[00:14:39] And that's the story of every man's catastrophic event.
[00:14:43] No matter what that is.
[00:14:45] You know, no matter what. What their catastrophic event was that happened in their life where they broke down, it most likely had to do with them not being able to admit that they were performing strength instead of being strong. And you say, well, how is that possible? Well, the evidence is what makes it possible. The proof is in the fact that they had a catastrophic event that crushed them, that broke them, that made them do something outside of their character, or that made them do something that they regret or that they're shameful for. Now, if that weren't the case, then they would do that thing, and they would just carry on life like nothing happened, and they'd be okay. But that's not the evidence, and that's not what we see.
[00:15:31] I would argue that if you end up in prison, no matter what you're saying out of your mouth, you didn't. You were not strong enough for that situation.
[00:15:41] Whatever the temptation was, whatever the conflict was, you know, if you had an argument with your dad, and you and your dad aren't talking anymore, that's proof that you weren't strong enough.
[00:15:58] Not saying, oh, my dad just don't get it, or my son just doesn't get it, and so I'm just gonna. Whatever. I'm moving on without it.
[00:16:05] That's not what the human experience is supposed to be like.
[00:16:09] You failed.
[00:16:11] If you and your dad are no longer connected. I don't care who was the aggressor. I don't care whose fault it was. Both of you failed, and both of you were not strong enough for the event.
[00:16:26] I know that you've got some use case where you're saying, well, in my situation, this is what happened, and I understand, but that's not what I'm talking about. Let's not talking about the exception. Let's talk about in general. Okay? What I need you to understand is that if you and your dad are no longer talking, you failed.
[00:16:50] If you and your girlfriend are no longer talking, you failed.
[00:16:58] If you let your anger get you in a situation where you lost your job, you failed.
[00:17:07] It's not strong now because you're unemployed. Oh, I walked away. No, no, you failed. You were not strong enough for the situation.
[00:17:20] And that's the story of every man's catastrophic failure every single time.
[00:17:25] I don't. I can't think of a time in my life where something of any importance in a negative way happened to me where it wasn't me that failed.
[00:17:37] I remember times in my life when I blamed other people.
[00:17:41] But humility has taught me that in 100% of those situations, it was me that failed. I wasn't strong enough for the situation.
[00:17:58] So how do we offset that?
[00:18:02] What do we do to become beginners, to become rookies again? Now that we recognize that there are some situations, there are some blind spots in our life where we're not able to be the man we've been performing as?
[00:18:17] What do we do in those situations?
[00:18:19] I'm saying you have to lean into the weakness.
[00:18:25] And what does a beginner do? What does a person who's weak do? You ask for help.
[00:18:30] Ooh. Ooh.
[00:18:34] You know that stereotype that men don't ask for directions or whatever, and that's why it takes so long to get somewhere. And women are always looking at us like, oh, just ask for help.
[00:18:44] That's not a stereotype by mistake.
[00:18:48] Now apply that back to your life. Now apply that back to your conflict resolution. Apply that back to your ability to handle the ills of the day or to handle the times when, you know, you get submersed underwater a little bit.
[00:19:07] How. How hard is it for you to ask for help?
[00:19:11] How does that make you feel? Take a moment. Just think about in times when you've been at the brink of catastrophe, when you felt that lump in your throat or that churning in your stomach or those hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Or the size of your brain feel like they're squishing in.
[00:19:38] How easy is it for you to ask for help in those moments? I would say it's probably not very easy. At least in my life, it hasn't been.
[00:19:46] It hadn't been.
[00:19:48] I've overcome some of these things by leaning into the weakness of it.
[00:19:55] I do no one any good if I'm just performing strength.
[00:20:02] Because when the real threat comes, performance only goes so far.
[00:20:09] Because a real threat is not going to run away from you raising your hands and yelling real loud and making a scene and just being loud. That isn't going to work. It's not going to work in the face of a real threat.
[00:20:23] That's not going to work in the face of a real catastrophe. You can perform as much as you want to, but your heart is going to show.
[00:20:35] And how many of us can ask for help in those situations?
[00:20:38] I don't think very many of us can, but I think that we need to be able to ask for help. We need to be able to ask for help with confidence.
[00:20:48] Those things don't even seem like they line up. Saying help and being confident don't even seem like they line up. But I promise you, on the other side of you, actually voicing the need for help and someone who loves you reaching out a hand, you understand then how much confidence you had to have had, and you begin to see the strength in your weakness.
[00:21:18] And once you can.
[00:21:20] Once you can swallow that idea that it requires an incredible amount of strength for a proud man to ask for help and to be and to admit to their weaknesses. It takes an incredible amount of strength to lay that down.
[00:21:41] But just on the other side of that, you get those answers. You get the.
[00:21:47] You start seeing how important it was. You wish you had done it earlier.
[00:21:52] Now, let me also say that it requires you having special people in your life. Like, you can't do that to everybody because there's some people who will punish you for that. Even sadly, to say, even some of our women, some of our women are terrible at providing the support that men need in those situations.
[00:22:14] But, you know, let me say this.
[00:22:19] I think that I learned something.
[00:22:25] You know, because of how guys are programmed, we have the tendency to approach our vulnerability the same way that we approach the world, and that's with aggression.
[00:22:47] I don't know when you're listening to this podcast, but in recent days, there's been a surge of conflict between men and women, especially in the black community.
[00:23:04] Black women hate black men and black men hate Black women. And nobody trusts anybody. And every time a guy speaks to a woman, they're just thirsty. And even if they're just giving a nice compliment, you know, anything and every, every man is just out here to, to take from you without giving you anything. That's what women think. And like, you know, waste my years and end up not really being faithful or not committing to the family or whatever it is. And there's this idea that women have to have a six figure, six foot five man with a great job and a nice house and a car. And that is the worth of a man. And if he doesn't have that, then I'm not dating no scrub. And men are like, well, my woman gotta be able to cook, clean and submit to me and have no questions asked if she wants me to do all these things, you know, and there's like this, there's this idea that there's no room for brokenness and there's no room for weakness and there's no room for middle ground. There's no room for just a quality person who's trying their hardest.
[00:24:07] There's no room for that. If you have not already succeeded, go away.
[00:24:15] And so what that's caused is this situation where nobody trusts, nobody even wants to get someone, nobody wants to learn someone enough to trust them. They're not even gonna give you that.
[00:24:28] Have the, the, the two or three key things that men are expecting or women are expecting based off of the cultural values, then you're not even worth the time. We're not even going to get to know you enough to, you know, care about you.
[00:24:45] So I'm talking only about people that care about you. You have to know whether somebody cares about you before you try this. Because what women are really asking men for, and it serves us, it serves us to answer this call what the women who love us are actually asking for from us.
[00:25:04] They're asking for our vulnerability, they're asking for our tenderness and our gentle compassion.
[00:25:12] But specifically, they want to take care of us. They just have no idea how. And so when they're asking us to be vulnerable, that's what they're asking for. They're asking for first, permission to care for us that way. And second, they're asking for instructions or a map of how. Because every man is different. Every man has different things that trigger them and push them in certain ways. That pressure that I was talking about, that makes us snap. Every man gets to that pressure point a different way. And our women are trying to care for us in that area.
[00:25:45] And What I used to do and what many men used to do when they say be vulnerable, what we would do is we'll come in guns blazing, like, yo, you did this to me. And, you know, it pissed me off, and that's why I'm acting like this.
[00:26:00] But imagine being on the other side of that, and all they're hearing is the anger and the impact.
[00:26:07] And so what that makes them do is it makes them put their defenses up. And then they start saying things like, well, I only did that to you because you did this. And now they make themselves the victim again. But not because they didn't honestly want you to be vulnerable and honestly want to know what is bothering you. It's just because the way that you came in, the way that you pointed the fingers and the way. And how rough it was, and, you know, all the anger that was there, you know, that did not allow her to actually see you at all.
[00:26:40] All she saw was anger.
[00:26:47] But what I've learned is that at no point in all of that anger and all that finger pointing and all that impact of what happened, and now I got to clean this up, and now I got to do this. At no point did I actually ever was I ever actually vulnerable.
[00:27:06] Because what would be the vulnerable thing there? The vulnerable thing would have been to explain how it made me feel, how it hurt me, what the result of.
[00:27:17] Not the obvious result, not what tables I turned over and what things I had to clean up, but. But the result in, like, what damage does this do to my spirit? What damage does this do to my heart?
[00:27:29] You know, how does this make my heart feel? When you did this thing to me, you know, when you did this thing to me, my heart felt like this.
[00:27:41] It affected me this way.
[00:27:44] I'm hurting now in this way, and that hurt.
[00:27:48] What that looks like on the other side of it is now I go into my corner and I don't want to be bothered, or now I pull away from you because, you know, this is the way you hurt my heart, and now I pull away from you.
[00:28:05] That's what women are looking for.
[00:28:11] Guys, we don't get taught that kind of stuff.
[00:28:14] We're taught impact.
[00:28:17] Well, you did this to me. It cost me this much money. That's what guys are taught. You did this to me. And now my friends are looking at me crazy.
[00:28:25] You did this to me. And now I overreacted, and I called you some names that I can't take back.
[00:28:33] But that's not what women are asking for when they're asking us to Be vulnerable.
[00:28:37] I can promise you that. There have been entire seasons of my life when I thought I was being vulnerable.
[00:28:43] And all I was doing was just telling her that. The stuff I just went through, you know, how much it cost me to clean up this mistake. And, you know, I feel like it's your fault and you did this to me.
[00:28:53] That's not being vulnerable.
[00:28:59] I'll say it again. Being vulnerable is allowing her into your heart to let her know how it made your heart feel.
[00:29:13] Even if it's not her fault. Even if it's just something like, you know, I'm kind of just going through this thing. I just feel like the world is turning in on me, and, you know, I feel insecure about it. I feel insignificant to the world. I feel like.
[00:29:28] I feel like I'm not good enough. Like, when is the last time you told your woman you don't feel like you're good enough? That's vulnerability. Not telling her how angry you are.
[00:29:38] I'm so angry.
[00:29:40] Why don't you get it? Read my mind. That I'm feeling insignificant.
[00:29:45] How you're performing like you're the strongest man in the world, and you're just angry. And now the wrath of your anger is that you did this or the world did this. And now here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna blow the house down. I'm a huff and I'm a puff, and I'm gonna blow the house down. That's not vulnerability.
[00:30:01] That's anger.
[00:30:04] And you still haven't admitted to anything. You haven't shown any signs that you need help.
[00:30:11] But imagine if you were to go to your woman, and this is a loving woman. I'm not talking about just a.
[00:30:15] I'm not talking about just somebody you're dating that doesn't care about you or your life or your family or anything. I'm talking about a woman that truly loves you.
[00:30:22] Go to your woman. Here's an exercise for you. Go to your woman and tell her how you actually feel, what your fears are.
[00:30:29] Your woman isn't going to leave you for being afraid. Not no real woman. Not a real woman.
[00:30:35] A real woman is not going to leave you for being afraid of something that'll probably pull her closer to you because now she feels like she has the ability to really be a part of it. She can be a part of this thing.
[00:30:56] I get as a woman. I get to show you how much I support you, how much we can pull this together and make it happen.
[00:31:06] You need to look no further than How a mother treats a son.
[00:31:13] When your son, if you're a woman and your son gets to an age where they're bigger than you, they're stronger than you, they're taller than you, they may be younger than you, they may still be kids, but in the physical sense, there is nothing that woman could do to stop that young man from being doing whatever they wanted to do.
[00:31:30] They could try, but they'd be hanging on for dear life.
[00:31:34] However, if something happened to that young man, no matter how big he is, a mother has the ability to pour into that boy, pick up his pieces, tape them, glue them, love them back together.
[00:31:51] We've seen this time and time again. Most of your mothers have done this for you. Do you know why? Because that woman is invested in that person, that boy, in you. She's invested in your well being.
[00:32:03] And there's no price she wouldn't pay to put those pieces back together, to help you put those pieces back together. Do you honestly believe that if you have a truly loving, caring woman who is invested in your life, a wife maybe, do you really believe that that woman is going to laugh at you when you tell her you're weak in some way? When you tell her you're afraid of something, when you tell her that you're insecure about something, even if it's something that she did to you to make you feel that way, do you really believe that woman is going to laugh at you?
[00:32:45] I don't think a true woman, a caring, mature woman, is going to laugh at her husband or her boyfriend or whoever if they are being vulnerable in that way. Not the angry way, not the wrath way, but in the this is how my heart feels way, and this is what happens after that. I get depressed.
[00:33:08] I don't feel like going on anymore. And you know what? And then it turns into me arguing with you. And it's not even something you did anymore. Now it's just about me feeling depressed. Now it's about me feeling insignificant. So now I lash out at you and I say, that's a different thing, that's a different conversation than saying, you know, you did this, it cost me this much money and now I lash out at you than saying, this is the thing that you did and this is how it made me feel. And now I'm lashing out because I feel insignificant. I feel like I don't matter very much to you.
[00:33:40] Different conversation.
[00:33:42] That's what vulnerability is. And I don't think most of us know that.
[00:33:50] So then if we go back to what our Actual job is in that particular situation. We're supposed to be the providers and the protectors.
[00:33:56] And you're like, well, how can I provide and protect if I'm always talking about how weak I am? Well, I would argue that it's not going to take. It isn't going to take you the majority of your life. Won't be those vulnerability situations. It won't be those weakness moments.
[00:34:13] That's what's going to strengthen you to now get up and move forward because you have the support system that you need.
[00:34:30] It's very counterintuitive.
[00:34:32] I feel you.
[00:34:33] It's scary. I get it. It's scary to put that guard down and not perform.
[00:34:41] We have to recognize the strength and the weakness of not yet knowing how to be that way.
[00:34:50] We have to stop performing so much and really dig into what it requires to attract a good woman, to love and then keep a good woman.
[00:35:12] I'm a veteran, and veteran men are in a crisis right now.
[00:35:25] So many of us commit suicide every day.
[00:35:34] This is more evidence of our inability to not perform and to be weak. Because what we need is help.
[00:35:42] But we have to ask for that. We have to want that first. And that requires letting down of that guard, asking for help.
[00:35:57] The violence in the world, the reason why we are the majority of people housed in prison outside of the systemic reasons, outside of the, you know, the racial reasons, but I'm talking about just nuts and bolts.
[00:36:17] The reason why is because we are not able to articulate our weaknesses.
[00:36:26] We have to come up with tools that allow us to talk through these things. Obviously, my choice is belief in God.
[00:36:41] And I will go out on a limb here and say that there is no better way than through the understanding of what it takes to be a Christian.
[00:36:58] Because true belief, true believers understand that there is need for submission.
[00:37:10] You have to believe in something bigger and greater than yourself.
[00:37:14] And that shows weakness.
[00:37:18] Full surrender, full obedience. Most guys aren't good with that. That's not how we're trained.
[00:37:24] But if you can wrap your mind around the sacrifice required to serve God, then you can immediately see the strength and weakness.
[00:37:40] God, I'm not strong enough to do this without you.
[00:37:43] I don't have the tools. There's nothing that I can do to earn my salvation. It's a gift.
[00:37:53] And now that you've given me salvation, the fruit of that salvation and my belief, my surrender and my obedience is going to be all the great things you see in my life.
[00:38:08] It's going to be all the great things that others see in Your life to be inspired by you, to also want to submit.
[00:38:15] But just that surrender itself can look weak to a non believer, can look weak to an outsider.
[00:38:23] But for the believers who are listening to this right now, you absolutely know that that requires strength.
[00:38:29] Because when something is not going right in your life, let's say you're in that conflict moment, you're about to do something that's going to land you in prison.
[00:38:37] The ability to submit your flesh, to destroy your flesh and submit to the higher calling of what your purpose is.
[00:38:47] That's strength.
[00:38:49] To turn away from whatever that conflict was and to walk away from that situation because you recognize that you're not here for that and you have better things that you could be doing with your time and your love.
[00:39:01] That's strength.
[00:39:04] That isn't weakness. Walking away from that fight is not weakness.
[00:39:08] But an unbeliever wouldn't know that.
[00:39:10] They may not see that.
[00:39:16] So that's the first tool I want to give you, is belief.
[00:39:19] Pick up a Bible, start reading, Ask some questions. Ask me questions. DM me.
[00:39:26] Reach out to me.
[00:39:29] I'm not the most learned scholar on the Bible. I'm trying, but I know enough to have surrendered my life.
[00:39:44] And I'm hopeful that this podcast is displaying the fruit so that others can see and want to also walk that walk.
[00:40:00] But let's just say you're not ready yet. Let's say that that's not even on your card. That's not on your menu right now.
[00:40:07] What can you do?
[00:40:09] I've already given you the. You know, if you don't have a woman in your life or somebody in your life who can. Who can love you through, you know, your vulnerability or whatever, what else can we do? Obviously, there's therapy, and I don't think that therapy is a bad thing. I know a lot of people would say that, you know, they're just trying to fix my head and keep me locked in my misery. I don't agree. I think that the problem with most people in therapy is they don't go to therapy willing to bear their soul.
[00:40:40] If you really want help, you have to really be honest.
[00:40:44] If you're coming there with protected ideas of who you are, then you're only gonna get as much. You're only gonna get as much depth as you release. And if you're only giving her shallow. If you only. Well, my therapist is a woman. If you're only giving your therapist shallow ideas of you, then you're gonna get shallow tools to help. But if you can, if you Go in there with the idea that I'm going to expose myself because I really want the help.
[00:41:14] I'm going to remove every barrier from this conversation because I really need the help.
[00:41:25] I think that if people went to therapy with that idea, as opposed to, I don't know this person.
[00:41:31] I'm not gonna tell her all my business. Sure, fine. Then don't go.
[00:41:35] If you're not gonna go for the purpose of getting help, being better, don't go.
[00:41:46] You can't halfway heal.
[00:41:50] Think about that cut that you've had, that, you know, you cut your arm on something, and then you're constantly digging at the scab, and you're never really allowing it to heal. At some point, it just becomes a scar. And then you live with that scar for years until your skin finally, you know, rejuvenates itself over, over, through the layers falling off and new ones growing. It takes time because you. You've just played with it as opposed to really just not touching it and letting it heal all the way. That's what real therapy is. You go in there and you just bear it all out.
[00:42:20] Give them everything again. This requires you taking some time to find the right therapist. Of course, don't. Just the first person you see and just give it all to them. You know, test the waters. Make sure that there's somebody who's compatible with your thinking.
[00:42:36] Somebody that you can, you know, just through discernment. You can.
[00:42:40] You feel like they have your best interest, even though you're paying them, of course, but still they have your best interest. They're not like just. They're not just showing up for a paycheck.
[00:42:50] I think you can tell that.
[00:42:53] But if you're going to use this. This method, to be honest, it's just like Christianity. You can't be lukewarm. You can be lukewarm, but you're not gonna get the benefit of the belief.
[00:43:06] You're not gonna feel that peace I was talking about earlier. If you're lukewarm, you're gonna have to protect it. You're gonna have to be one of those people that say, I'm protecting my peace. Yep, you're gonna have to protect it.
[00:43:19] Whereas I want to be inside my house, laying in the bed, listening to that storm outside and just enjoying the way the wind is blowing and hearing the rain hit the window. That's so romantic to me.
[00:43:31] But I only have that because I leaned all the way in.
[00:43:37] I asked for help.
[00:43:39] I recognized that I needed help.
[00:43:41] I was weak.
[00:43:43] And all those things required an incredible amount of strength.
[00:43:50] So I'm challenging you now to know the strength in weakness and to be willing to ask somebody for help.
[00:44:00] Be well.
