Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Welcome, welcome, welcome. Ooh. Ooh.
[00:00:02] It's been a while since I've been behind the mic, and it feels a little awkward. I can't. I can't lie, it feels a little. A little different not having been behind the mic in a long time, but I felt the need to go ahead and get this show started. I know that I've been teasing the idea that I was going to do something in August. However, it became really difficult to put together the show that I wanted to have at first. And it's not that I'm not still working towards that show, but having the guest show where I would be on the episode with a guest and we would dig into some topics that would, you know, show vulnerability.
[00:00:44] Talk about the goods, the bad successes, the failures, the hurt, pain, the joy. You know, those kind of topics, they're really difficult to.
[00:00:53] As much as people would love to be vulnerable on a microphone, it's kind of difficult to actually do it once the button is recorded or once the camera turns on. It's a lot more difficult than you would think. I know a lot of people would say, hey, I could do that. I could do that show.
[00:01:08] But, you know, in theory, it sounds great, but in practice and application, it's a little bit more difficult. And I don't blame anyone. I think that, you know, it takes a special kind of person to be willing to open themselves up on a microphone for the public, and that's why the topic of this show here today is very important. But let me just do a little house cleaning first. You know, you tuned in to the light hit just right podcast.
[00:01:36] This is going to be the first episode.
[00:01:39] My name is Brian Jennings. I'm thankful that you guys have tuned in.
[00:01:44] This is the first episode, like I said. And what's important about this episode is that it's kind of about what I just talked about. So this first episode is going to be about identity.
[00:01:55] And, you know, that being said, I have to show my vulnerability on this. As much as I would love to give you every single piece of me, identity is very difficult.
[00:02:07] What is identity? Identity is.
[00:02:10] Let's look at what the definition says first here.
[00:02:12] The fact of being who or what a person or thing is.
[00:02:16] And the second definition says the characteristics, determining who or what a person or thing is. So I think that people carry around two versions of that identity. You know, you have the one that's on the inside, the true identity I'll call, and then the one that we kind of put on as our public Persona.
[00:02:37] And it's not to say there's something wrong with that, but generally those two things are not identical. They're very similar. And the more similar the, you know, I would say the better of a person you probably are, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're a bad person. If they're not identical or very similar, we're forced to create those two different things because depending on what job we have or what circles we run in, it's necessary for survival that we don't show our true colors all the time. That being said, in this episode, I'm going to do my best to be as vulnerable as I possibly can, but you have to understand that I'm victim of the same things that you are. And so therefore, I may not be able to provide all, all of the juice, all of the sauce, and, you know, bear with me, love me, I'm human.
[00:03:26] I'm going to do my best, though.
[00:03:29] So moving forward, we will try to get guests on.
[00:03:32] That will be the, the, the plan of the show.
[00:03:36] But I don't want to delay the show any longer. I wanted to go ahead and get started so I won't lose momentum, so I won't lose my desire and just so that the, the, the concept or the, the idea won't be taken from me because, you know, I had this idea a while ago, and I don't want to wait until the point where the, the ability to do it gets taken from me. So let's talk about it. I gave you the definition.
[00:04:06] I think that, you know, with my identity and what that means to me, a lot of times when someone asks, who are you?
[00:04:18] We answer with more of who we are to others. So, for instance, if I were to say, yeah, who are you? You probably start with your job title, you know, or maybe you're a dad or a husband or son or whatever it is that you are right now, that's the most prominent thing in your life. But a lot of times we'll leave with something along the lines of a job title.
[00:04:42] And I would challenge that. That is absolutely not what your identity is. It's what we've kind of been trained to believe our identity is. And it's the easiest thing to show.
[00:04:55] I think that a lot of times even people who are talkative, like social butterflies, even those people still buy into the identity based off of the way something looks or feels, as opposed to what's actually on the inside. Evidence of that is all of our advertising. You know, people don't. They, don't they? Advertisers have learned that they don't need to sell you a product anymore. They need to sell you an identity. So when they have your favorite rapper or ball player get on camera and hold up their watch or, you know, whatever item. The what? The juice they're selling or whatever, you know, people like me drink this juice. But, you know, the subtle clues, though, are not just the product that they're selling, it's everything else. It's all the things that are around that person, right? It's what kind of clothes are they wearing, how is their haircut? Are they. Are they neatly groomed? Are they a little ragged?
[00:05:47] You know, what type of environment are they in? Are they in something lavish or something maybe more minimal? Minimalized, you know, are they in a luxury vehicle?
[00:05:59] Who's around them? What type of people are in their vicinity? Are they the type of people that you hang with or the type of people that you like to hang with? You know, all of those things sell us on what identity is, you know, and not just that, though. Let's. Let's talk about the archetypes in movies and shows, right? So, you know, we have the, the.
[00:06:18] The one like the romantic comedy where, you know, boy gets boy, meets girl, boy starts to like girl, boy does something real crazy and has to humble himself and apologize, and then in the end proves his love and gets the girl. That's one archetype, and there's an identity attached to that. Another one would be something like, you know, the kid from the projects who goes against all odds to do said thing, whether that be become a boxer or a lawyer or doctor or something, you know, whatever that is, there's an identity in that archetype. You know, who is that person that can do that type of thing? What type of way does he talk and act and walk and, you know, what types of ways does he get the information he needs? Like there's an identity attached to that.
[00:07:07] Even like in medieval times, like the dragon slayer idea where there's a village that's being, you know, tortured by a dragon, and this a young, young man or woman has to overcome all the odds and be David against Goliath and kill the dragon. You know, that's. That's an archetype and there's an identity attached to who that person is who can do something like that, right?
[00:07:33] But then, like, you know, let's talk about the identities of the job title, because I think that's probably the one that's, that's most prevalent. And, you know, I'll give my history here as well. I started out, I would probably say a musician.
[00:07:47] Then I went to the military, came back home, and because of the military, I started working in the IT field, went back to music, was in the music industry for about 10 years, 15 years, and then went back to it when music kind of dried up.
[00:08:02] And now after, you know, I guess 30 years of 20 something years of it, I'm transitioning into life coaching. And you know, all of those things could be an identity. But imagine me trying to fit myself now into all of those identities because I'm all of those things, you know, I'm all of those things.
[00:08:20] But how could I attach myself to that identity? But you know, it's funny, we all try to do it. Like for instance, you know, let's. We talked about the kid is in the project, becomes a lawyer. So a lawyer, right? What is a. What identity does a lawyer exhibit? I would say, you know, just brainstorming, like smart, cunning, ruthless and detail oriented. But what if you're, what if you're compassionate?
[00:08:46] What if you're a compassionate person who's also a lawyer? Are you allowed to be that?
[00:08:52] Let's look at the boss chick identity, right? So boss chicks are independent, they're very doggy dog, they're intelligent, some would say masculine. But what if you're a boss chick that is a submissive housewife also?
[00:09:09] Can you be a boss chick and a submissive housewife? Is that even allowed?
[00:09:15] Can you show people that?
[00:09:18] Or even in a negative sense? What about the simp? You know they call guys simps, right? Simps will do anything for their woman. They're really nice, they're considerate and generous. But what if you're just a man that loves making your woman happy?
[00:09:31] Are you also a simple.
[00:09:34] Are you a good husband or a good boyfriend or a good man? Or are you a simp? Are you a thirsty simp because you're willing to always make your woman happy? I think this is, this is the problem, is that, you know, these identities that we are given, it's very hard to 100% fit into that identity.
[00:09:52] It's almost impossible to fit in completely. I don't think, I don't think anybody, unless you're a hollow, what they call NPC. I don't think it's possible to 100% fit into one of these identities. I think that they're pieces of you, they get left out.
[00:10:08] And that's where you slowly start to betray yourself. That's the outside you slowly betraying the inside you. And this is where the split happens to where now you have to be two people. Because if you are that good man, that good husband who just really wants to make your wife happy, you have to combat the people who call you a simp. Because you're not a simp, you're just a good husband. And you just happen to also want to take care of your woman.
[00:10:36] Or you're that boss chick that is really successful on her own, has never needed anybody to help her do anything. She didn't need a man to label her or to give her a hand handout. She was able to go and get it on her own.
[00:10:50] But when she's out and about and people see her with her husband and she looks like she's just being a good wife and she's very submissive to her husband. Now some of those women who are labeling her as a boss chick or are expecting her to feel the ent bostic identity, they're now wondering if she's faking.
[00:11:07] Are you faking? Are you a fraud? Because here you are looking like a pick me and online I see you as this boss chick who's got. Got it going on, doing all these things right? Or you know, the lawyer, the devil's advocate. You know, I know you've seen that movie. That movie is a perfect example of the identity problem that, that Keanu Reeves had. You know, he's a lawyer, he's trying to get to it. One of the largest lawyer firms, legal firms in New York wants his services. But he look like it looks like he has to sell pieces of himself, his real self, to fit in to the idea of what a lawyer is supposed to be. He's slowly giving away the inside him to make sure the outside him fits in.
[00:11:53] Now I don't. I can't think of a place in my life where that was more prevalent than the music industry. And it's just terrible that all these stories are the same. But like, you know, with. With that the devil's advocate idea and the music industry is very to that in a lot of ways. And it's probably why I wasn't as successful as I could have been. You know, I was, I was very close on multiple occasions to being at the table for a large deal or to get over the hump to be somebody who all of you would have known in the music industry. There were a few opportunities that, that were on the table for me, but something about those opportunities just never worked out. And I didn't quite get it. I never understood it. You know, eventually the music industry Kicked me out, really. I didn't leave. They kind of put me out. I stopped making money. It was something that I couldn't continue doing anymore.
[00:12:41] But there were so many times where it was very close. And now, as I look back, you know, now that I look back over my life and I see those opportunities laid out in front of me again, I recognized that I didn't enter those opportunities the same way that someone else would have.
[00:12:58] There were parts of me that I was not willing to let go of just as those opportunities were being presented that hurt my chances of actually being successful to that level. And I apologize right now to any partners that I had during that time period. I apologize to any clients I had during that time period. I fully apologize to you guys, because I recognize that I may have been the reason why you didn't get the opportunity to be successful in those opportunities either, because I may have been hurting your chances because I was not willing to let go of that part of me.
[00:13:32] It's a conversation I had with my daughter, who, you know, is in the music industry as well. You know, she was joining a girl group. This girl group was very popular.
[00:13:40] They had millions of views on YouTube. And, you know, she and I had a conversation before she asked me, you know, hey, should I do this? And I was like, you know, if you want to do it, I think you should do it. But you have to understand that that idea, they say, of selling your soul to the devil, that sounds scary and terrifying, like, you know, a guy with a pitchfork shows up, but that's not how it actually shows. How it actually shows is, you know, let's say for our family, we did Sunday dinners every Sunday.
[00:14:08] And I explained to her that there's going to be a lot of Sundays where you're expected not to be available for us. So that means that how we normally see you every Sunday, and you see us every Sunday, there will be three Sundays out of the month where you'll no longer be able to be at Sunday dinners because you're at rehearsal or you're out of town or an event that you guys have to go to that may even pull some of us away to help you, because she was a teenager at the time. So, you know, that's how it happens. It's slow. They're tiny things, you know. Well, I was going to wear this outfit, but when you get to the. When you get to the rehearsal and everybody's doing their dress rehearsal. Yeah, but that's a little prudish. What if we do this and maybe they'll rip some of her clothes or maybe they'll give her something else to wear that's a little bit more revealing. You know, it's small details, it's little bitty things. They're small things that make you stretch farther and farther and farther away from your identity, you know, and just job titles in particular, and I'm sticking on job titles because this is the one where it's so easy to fall victim to this. You know, currently I'm a high level engineer in the tech world, but what did I have to give up of myself to become that?
[00:15:18] Every stage of promotion for me, every time I got an advancement, there was something I had to give up to get that.
[00:15:25] I always liken the idea of any job, no matter what it is, to screwing caps on toothpaste tubes. I know this is very simplified, but, but you know, sit with me for a second. So, you know the idea of an assembly line, which I'm not, I'm not kidding. Assembly lines, they're, they're probably one of the greatest inventions of modern industrious industrial advancements.
[00:15:50] However, I think that because it was so successful, every single corporate job in some way, form or fashion is just like an assembly line. So if, if you liken it to tubes of toothpaste, I would say that, for instance, at my job I'm supposed to do, I'm supposed to put five caps of toothpaste on a toothpaste tube before my day is over. And if I can do that, then I've reached my quota, you know. And again, I'm not really putting toothpaste caps on tubes. That's just the analogy that I'm using in tech.
[00:16:22] So after a few weeks of doing that successfully, my boss comes to me like, hey, you know, you're doing great, but I bet you could do six caps. Let's try six caps this week. So then I start doing six caps and you know, it's not much of a strain. I can do six caps. I could have done six caps before, but you know, he only told me to do five before. So I was only doing five.
[00:16:43] Six turns of seven, seven turns to 10. And now we get to a place where they're like, okay, you're doing 10, but to be honest, we really need 15.
[00:16:55] And I, I'm trying to make you get to the next level. So I want you to do 15 because I see something special in you. The other guys, they're only going to do 10. That's fine. They're going to do 10. They're going to go home because, you know, they don't care about this like you and I do you and I care about this. So I want you to try for 15.
[00:17:13] So some kind of way I get convinced to now do 15 caps to not only meet my quota, but also be above and beyond. Because at this point, now we're talking about being exceptional. And who doesn't want to be exceptional? I know some people don't. So let me take that back.
[00:17:32] People who are ambitious want to be successful. So he saw that in me. He says, I can get 15 out of this guy and I'm going to promise. The carrot I'm a dangle in front of him is a promotion to be a senior or a, you know, third level or whatever, whatever at your job that is.
[00:17:49] So let's say you decide to do that. But in doing that now, you've taken on a lot more stress because now 15 might not even really be possible. You're gonna have to take some extra time out of your, your, your day. You're not gonna be able to just leave after eight hours. You might have to do nine hours or 10 hours, right? So now what are you doing? You're sacrificing part of your personal time because you want to make sure that you're being seen as exceptional and you're putting extra time in, right?
[00:18:14] So then what happens is, uh, oh, we have, we had a, we had a situation where the stock price fell and now we got to get rid of some people. So now half your team is gone.
[00:18:26] You were lucky enough to stay because of course you're exceptional. But a few of the 10, 10 a days got kept as well.
[00:18:32] So now you're doing 15 and they're doing 10. But you cut your staff in half. But guess what? The amount of caps on toothpaste tubes cannot go down.
[00:18:41] So that means since half the staff is gone now you're expected to do 30, they're expected to do 20.
[00:18:48] And at this point, not only are you way over way, it's way over your head at this point. You're in over your head. Not just that, but there's the threat of you losing your job because at this point you should just be happy you still have a job. And that's the way they're going to sell it to you. They're going to sell it to you as you should be happy to still have your job, right? So then it gets to the point where now they're like, hey, we want to offer you a position to take your boss's job.
[00:19:18] And this is where you really start to see how the identity is playing you for a fool.
[00:19:26] So now you get your boss's job. And now instead of you being responsible for 30 caps, now you're responsible for 70 caps because you're responsible for the person who had your job and the people below them. So it's like 70 nowadays. And as a boss, they're looking at you to do 70 total for your quota. You start recognizing that your boss was just like you, how he was, how he was motivating you and trying to get you to understand we need to do 30. Even though that's just a number that they come, it's an arbitrary number.
[00:19:58] Now you're responsible for influencing another person to try harder and be exceptional. And yeah, you're better than the ones who are below you. You're saying the same words they said to you. You're losing a little piece of your every single time you do that. And so you get to the point where you're a senior systems engineer.
[00:20:14] I don't even know what that means.
[00:20:16] I don't even know what that title actually means. If, if you were to ask me what that means, and I told you what my job actually is, I don't know that you would. I don't know that you would agree that that's a clear definition as a clear title based off of what I do.
[00:20:34] It sounds fancy. It sounds good.
[00:20:37] The scary part, though, is where I started, the kid that started where, you know, I didn't have much and I had to try to develop all this stuff and, and I had a lot of drive and ambition. That person, once he becomes a senior systems engineer, he is no longer even close to the person who was that kid who was just trying to make it out of the projects or make it out of his house or, you know, become something. Those people are very different people. That person who you were in the beginning is probably a better person, probably a more full person who's able to show up and be respected and loved and can give love. But that, that person who you are now is very, very different. You have much less of yourself going on. You've had to give up so much of yourself to fit in. I mean, now you're doing, you're doing, you're responsible for 70 caps of toothpaste. How could you still be that same person you were? That so much love and desire for life and love of life.
[00:21:32] The crazy part comes, though, is when they decide you're too old or they have to do more Cuts.
[00:21:38] So now they take that title from you. So now you're not a senior systems engineer anymore. Now you're unemployed.
[00:21:45] They told you it was, you know, they told you it was because of, you know, the cuts or whatever happened, but actually it was because your salary became so inflated that they could find a junior guy, pay him almost half of what they're paying you to do the same job. And he's even more hungry because you've gotten tired of trying to convince you can't get promoted anymore. You, you've reached your plateau for your specific skill set. You're not willing to give any more of yourself away. They recognize that. So now they get rid of you for that younger, hungrier guy who is willing to, to dog eat dog and is willing to kill for that title.
[00:22:17] And so now you're gone.
[00:22:19] You have to go find another job. But the problem that you're running into when you go to find another job is that they're looking for that younger guy who's willing to do the same thing you'll do also.
[00:22:30] And your salary is so inflated, so they tell you, hey, we really want you, but we just can't, we can't want you for that number.
[00:22:37] So what you do is you drop your number just a little bit, just maybe 5%. You drop your number 5%, you're still a six figure earner. But you know, the promotions you got over the past probably two years, two and a half years, maybe three years, have now just been negated. It's almost like you're the worker you were financially, you're the worker you were three years ago. So you take that job, you sit in it for a minute, something happens again, you're the, you're the last in, you might be the first out. They do more cuts, something along those lines. Your salary is still inflated. They found another you that makes a lot less. He's a little junior, younger than you. Now they give them that role. You're out on the, out on the ropes again.
[00:23:14] And that happens again and again and again until you get to the point where no one is willing to hire you anymore. So now you are no longer a senior systems engineer, but you've given up so much of yourself to get there. Who the hell are you now?
[00:23:28] Who are you? You're not that person who was, you know, the kid that had the drive, that had the ambition and the love and was loved.
[00:23:36] You're not the bright light anymore. Now you're almost invisible because you cannot, you can no longer be a senior systems Engineer. Nobody's willing to hire you for that. But that's what you've been walking around telling people you've been for the past 15 years, 10 years, even if it's just five years. That's who you've been telling people you are. When they ask who you are, that's what you've led with. You go to mixers, you go to nightclubs, you go to lounges, speakeasies, music events, whatever it is people are, you know, who are, hey, hi. Who are you? And you tell them, hey, I'm a senior systems engineer. And they're like, oh, that's awesome. That sounds, like, really fancy. And you're like, yeah, I do great things. But now you're not that anymore. They've taken the title that they gave you, they have now taken away from you. And. And now what do you do with that?
[00:24:21] You know, it reminds me of.
[00:24:24] There was this one time I was in Miami, south beach, and I was just out in the water by myself one day, and this couple waded up to me. I can't remember the wife's name. The husband's name was Peter. And they were from Germany. And it was about 15 years ago. But he was. He was talking to me about.
[00:24:39] Actually, it was more than. It's probably about 20 years ago. And he was talking to me about his surprise of America. Because when, when, when a lot of times when Europeans come to America or foreigners come to America, they're coming for two weeks and they're going to hit all the cities. They're going to go to Miami, they're going to go to la, they're going to go to New York, they're going to go to, you know, Texas, somewhere in Texas. And, and, and, and he was surprised. He said the biggest surprise to him was that everybody he met, their identity was tied to who they were at work. So, you know, he likened it to.
[00:25:15] Or he actually. He contrasted it to how in Germany there could be somebody who worked retail. They just worked in a shop that sold jeans, so they work in a denim store.
[00:25:25] And when they get off work. Well, first of all, at work is totally different. Unless it's a big franchise. You know, one of the mega stores, in the middle of the day, they close for two hours. All the stores, all of downtown, all the stores close for two hours. Even some of the corporate offices close for two hours. People go home, they eat lunch. Lunch. They take a nap. They spend time with family members. Whatever it is, they're gone for two hours. Then they come back to Work. But then after work also they get more time for maternity paternity leave, they get more vacation per year, which is why they have two weeks to come to the United States and just tour the United States.
[00:25:59] But after that workday though, what was surprising, what was surprising to me, he said that like that retail guy that works in the denim shop will meet up with a banker friend of his and they'll go to the club or the lounge or something. And everybody that they meet, they're not looked at as somebody who's in a career and somebody who's just working a job. They're looked at Peter and whoever the other guy is. Peter and Roger. And that's all they're Peter and Roger. Those guys like to have fun. They come in, they buy beers, they dance, they like to have fun.
[00:26:27] Whereas in America, Peter and Roger wouldn't hang together. Because how would Roger look being a banker making, you know, whatever his six figures are, with all his commissions and bonuses and a guy that makes, you know, 17 an hour in a denim shop and that, that might be, that might be high. Actually. I don't, I don't know what denim shop employees make. But you know, imagine that in America that Roger would not hang with Peter ever, because that would, Roger would feel like, that would make him look like he's not really who he's supposed to be.
[00:26:58] A lot of times the way that, that we express our identity is through the things that we are advertised. So you have to have a certain watch, Roger has to have a certain kind of attire, he has to have a certain kind of watch, he has to drive a certain kind of car, he has to certain kind of haircut, he has to buy a certain kind of drink, he has to go to a certain kind of club. Because the body language part of that, he needs. Roger needs you to know before you walk up to him that he's a big deal.
[00:27:22] Whereas Peter may not be able to afford that. And so Roger can't hang with Peter because, you know, if you live in Atlanta, you know exactly what I mean, it'll be a lot of broke looking people with a Gucci belt on. And you know, they couldn't afford the whole outfit, but they could afford that 350 Gucci belt. And so they're gonna let you know, at least I got this belt. This belt is shining. My T shirt might be a little old, a little dirty, but that belt is shining. I shine that buckle every night.
[00:27:51] So this is, this is what I'm saying. Like that, that identity crisis that. That we put ourselves in is all based off of, a lot of times, our job titles. And that's so unfair. And I realize I jumped away from the story I was telling you about the music industry.
[00:28:07] So let me circle back just a little bit.
[00:28:11] I always found it very interesting, an exercise that I love doing. And this is troll. I know I'm a troll. I can be a troll sometimes.
[00:28:21] I would love going to things like Christmas parties or music events.
[00:28:27] Like, my performing rights organization was sesac. So I would go to the CSAC Christmas party, and I would be in there. And I knew. I knew fully well what I was doing. But a lot of times people in the music industry have the need to put on, for lack of a better words, put on.
[00:28:46] So I would always let the other person talk first. I would come in, dress modestly. I wouldn't try to dress, you know, super nice or anything. I would just come in, dress modestly and, you know, rub shoulders. And so I would, you know, talk with people and. Lb. What's going on, man? Yeah, you know, we. We're working on the Rihanna project, and we got an Usher record, and we got. They started listening off all these things that they're doing, you know, And I would let them finish, and then, yeah, so what you got going on? And I would say just as calmly and plainly and almost like, almost apologetic, I would say something along the lines of, yeah, man, it's nothing right now, man. I'm not doing anything right now. I'm kind of just. I'm just chilling right now. I don't. I don't have a lot going on. And the crazy part was I would always see. I'm talking about 100 of the time. And this is why I know it was mostly fake 100% of the time. I would see the light behind their eyes die. I would see their shoulders slump just a quarter of an inch. And I would see them try to hide the fact that they secretly wished that they had led with the truth, too.
[00:29:48] I may have been working on something, but I still said I was working on nothing. They may have been working on nothing, but they embellished every single thing that they had to make it seem like they were doing better than they were.
[00:30:00] The idea is that in the music industry, one thing that's crazy is that you have to. In order to get the next job, you gotta be doing something right now. Nobody wants to hire somebody that doesn't have anything going on right now. So there's this idea that you need to wear your Best jewelry. You gotta wear your best clothes. You gotta have the right buzzwords and say the right things. And you gotta know about the projects that are coming open and who's got openings on their album for records. You have to know these kind of things so that you can kind of embellish what you've got. But. But anybody who knows anything in the music industry recognizes that just because you have a record on somebody, that doesn't mean that record is going to get selected. So you may have three Usher records, but that doesn't mean Usher's team is going to pick those three records. They may have even. Sadly, they may have even paid front ends for your record. So that means they may have part of your record under contract, meaning you can't sell it to somebody else.
[00:30:51] But they're not ever going to make the record because somebody's going to come in with a bigger name than you, a better producer than you, and they're going to come in and they're going to. And they're going to take that spot. Because Usher has got a. He's got a. It's a return on investment. I would rather get a Timberland record than your record because I know Timbaland's name is gonna sell more than your name is gonna sell. So a lot of the time these people that are telling you they're working on, they got these projects they're working on, they got these records on these people, they probably do have records that are sitting in the. In the. In the can. They probably do have those records with them.
[00:31:21] However, that record might not ever get picked up. And because they own half of the record and they're never gonna pay you for the back end because they're gonna keep trying to lead you alone. Like, yeah, maybe we'll put on the next project, or maybe we'll. Mixtapes were big back in the day. Maybe we'll add it to a mixtape. So they keep dangling along. They've only given you half your money, if any of your money, depending on how big your name is. And now you got a record on somebody that will never see the light of day, and you can't sell to somebody else.
[00:31:45] So you're at this party embellishing what you got going on, and secretly your true identity is hurting because you're broke, because there's no money in half a record, and there's no money in having a record on somebody. The money comes when that record makes the album. That album starts selling, and then eventually you start getting your writers fees. You start Getting your royalties. But, you know, sad, quiet fact of the music industry. But that's part of the problem is that in industries like that, and it's very prolific in entertainment, so it might not be the same if you're a banker or if you're, you know, or if you're a lawyer or whatever. It might not be exactly the same. But in the entertainment industry, it's that identity becomes something that's very, very prominent.
[00:32:33] Let's see what all that leads me to is that it's very important that you recognize the gap inside of you. You recognize who your public Persona is compared to who your.
[00:32:50] The private you.
[00:32:57] I think that an exercise, a great exercise for us would be to this week or until we have another episode. I'm not really sure when I'll be able to record another one, but until we have another one, what I want everyone to do, including myself, I want you to find a piece of your private self, part of your internal identity that lines up with your public identity. Right now, I'm sure that there are a few.
[00:33:22] I hope that there are not that many completely fake people. I don't believe that. I believe most of us have some overlap. What I want you to do is locate one or two things that line up that you're the exact same, that you are in private, that you are at work, that you are around your friends, that you are on social media. Find the one or two things that line up, and I want you to lean first, identify those things. Maybe write them down in your journal or in your notes app or something like that. And then I want you to lean into those two things. I want you to do more of that in public, more of that at work, more of that on social media. Because right now it's part of you. But you probably don't highlight it. It's probably just something that, you know is there. What I'd like for you to try to do is highlight that aspect of you just to practice, just to see how it feels. I think that it'll probably feel good enough for you to start doing it more often.
[00:34:14] That leads me to the greatest story ever told. So I. For a while now, I've been, you know, people are complaining about how boring their lives are. And, you know, how if you don't embellish, then people are not gonna be interested in you. And, you know, that's a sad thing. So that's why you get on social media and you embellish, and that's why you go to Christmas parties and you. And you not lie, but you add to what you have and make it seem more important is because you want to seem interesting.
[00:34:45] But I argue that we're now living in the best story ever told.
[00:34:50] At one point, I believe that, you know, this is the best story ever told. Think of the highs and the lows and, you know, think of all the crazy things that happen in this world that you are experiencing every single day. The things you see on the news, the things that happen to your friend around the corner.
[00:35:05] You know, assassinations and tsunamis and world crises and epidemic pandemics, and, you know, all these things that happen. Like, this is the most amazing story ever, and you're a part of that story.
[00:35:23] The problem here, though, is we find a way to make everything be about us.
[00:35:33] And this is where the main character syndrome comes in.
[00:35:36] And I know that's a. That's a trendy buzzword. That's not really a thing. But I say it because I know that you know what I mean.
[00:35:42] The main character syndrome, just to give you an idea, is basically where you're the center of every story. So let's say you show up to the hospital because you have a friend that has cancer. The family is in the room. You show up, and then you come in and immediately start talking about how much parking was. Parking was $15. And I can't believe, like, I'm trying to come see you. I'm trying to come see my loved one. And, you know, they trying to get me to spend. Like, what are you. What are you talking about?
[00:36:09] This person has cancer. They're laying in bed, Their whole family is around them, and you come in talking about $15 for parking. Or like, ooh, it's cold in here. Like, they. They should. You know, they want me to sit here, they're going to have to cut the up. Like, what. That's main character. That's main character syndrome, where no matter what the situation is, it's going to be about you in some way. You have the need to be in the middle of all of that.
[00:36:38] I didn't. I didn't suffer. I don't think I've suffered from main character syndrome to that extent. But I will tell you this story about myself and how I kind of had an identity fallout or identity crisis of sorts.
[00:36:53] I think that where identity became an issue for me, where I recognized that it was an issue, you know, much later than the music industry or anything like that. But just as, you know, as a. I would say a seasoned adult, where identity became a problem for me was When I recognized, you know, all these years, everything, everything that I've put in my bucket, that I've collected and made part of my public, you know, I wanted to be looked at as intelligent, somebody you could come to for advice, level headed, attractive, dressed well, you know, nice home, nice, good job, husband, father.
[00:37:40] You know, I already said house and car, like, had all those things, like the life. You know, some people would say goals or whatever. You know, I built this Persona that some people could say are goals.
[00:37:52] The problem that I recognize, and I didn't recognize it until much later in my life, is that I built all of that on top of emotional immaturity.
[00:38:02] So early in my life, I didn't develop my, my emotional maturity. I didn't, I didn't develop my emotions correctly.
[00:38:12] And I built all these things on top of it. But one day something happened that cracked that foundation and all of that Persona just came crumbling down to the ground. People on the outside would look at me and say, ah, he was lying. He was full of it. That's a facade.
[00:38:31] I argue that.
[00:38:33] I think that all those things I was all those things, I built all those things from scratch.
[00:38:40] However, the foundation that I built those things on were problematic.
[00:38:49] The foundation that I built those things on had a lot of holes in them, a lot of holes in it.
[00:39:01] And so after experiencing that, you know, I was able to put the pieces back together because it was truly who I was. But this time I was able to build it on a different foundation.
[00:39:13] I was able to recreate all of the things that I loved about myself, all the ways that I was all of that Persona that mattered. I was able to rebuild that, but in a different way now because I was able to fortify it with something.
[00:39:31] And so, so now with all that being said and what I've learned about myself, I recognized something recently and it kind of threw this whole episode off. Because what I had intended on talking about originally was kind of hijacked, but in a good way, in a great way. Actually, as much as I used to also agree that I was the main character. Now, I may not have, I may not have had main character syndrome, but I believed that, you know, each of us were the main character in our stories.
[00:40:07] That kind of got hijacked the other day, I don't agree with that anymore.
[00:40:14] I think that it's very important that we all recognize that we all matter right now. Like whatever your identity is, your private, not the public one, the private identity, whatever your identity is right now, it matters.
[00:40:30] You are numbered your steps are ordered, you're numbered. You have a place in this world, and that's because you're not the main character.
[00:40:40] Now, I really, truly believe that I'm a supporting cast.
[00:40:47] I don't believe. I know that I'm a supporting cast.
[00:40:54] Through a lot of prayer, I've recognized that Jesus has always been the main character. And all the things that I'm doing that I've done, as long as it was in my purpose, which I fully believe I'm in right now, as long as it was part of my purpose, I believe that purpose was to fulfill glorifying God.
[00:41:17] And if that's the case, I cannot be the main character. I have to be supporting cast.
[00:41:23] And I'm perfectly fine with that.
[00:41:26] I know that, you know, some of my listeners who aren't Christians will turn away from that idea. I don't think you should. I don't think it has to be a Christian story. I don't think it has to be a Christian message. I think that the idea here is about purpose.
[00:41:38] It's about walking in your purpose. I think that, you know, even if you don't subscribe to Christian beliefs, I think that there still is purpose. Whatever you. Whatever you, you know, subscribe to the universe or, you know, whatever it is that you. That you say when you're talking this way, I think that there's still purpose in that. And if it's purpose driven, you can't be the main character. The main character is the purpose.
[00:42:04] Mine happens to be Jesus.
[00:42:09] But that's even more telling of every single step being ordered.
[00:42:15] Every single thing that I do is for the glory. And if it's not, then that means I need to readjust.
[00:42:21] It's what allows me to know if I'm doing something correctly or incorrectly. Does it. Is it. Does it provide glory to God? That's how I know.
[00:42:31] And being the supporting cast gives me the ability to step back from all of that embellishment. I don't need to embellish. I don't need to go to a Christmas party. I never did. I never had to go to a Christmas party and embellish. But for anyone, once you recognize that, you don't have to be that. I mean, not that you don't have to be that you're not the main character.
[00:42:52] It takes a lot of pressure off you to just be yourself.
[00:42:57] You already matter exactly like you are. As long as you're walking in your purpose, as long as you are in your purpose, you are already exactly who you're supposed to be. Can you be better? Absolutely. And you should keep working and trying to be better, a better you. But as you are right now, you are able to handle whatever it is you're called to handle right now down the road, you may be called to handle something else. And you may need to get better for down the road. That's part of your purpose. That's what walking in your purpose is for.
[00:43:27] Purposefully. You're walking to get to that next thing.
[00:43:31] You're journeying to get to that next thing. You're learning, you're growing, you're healing to get to that next thing. But look at the way that, that takes that pressure off of identity for you.
[00:43:41] You no longer have to live up to the archetypes. You no longer have to live up to what a lawyer looks like and sounds like. You have no longer have to live up to what a boss chicken, how she acts, how she carries on, what words she uses, how she moves her hand when she talks and her neck when she talks. I mean, I'm being silly, of course. That's not the definition of a boss chick, but I'm just trying to paint a picture so that you can see exactly what I mean.
[00:44:06] You no longer have to live up to that. You can be kind and supportive and generous to your wife and not be a simp.
[00:44:13] Because those labels are for people who are not purpose driven. Those labels are for main characters as a supporting character. Especially if you're. If you're supporting Jesus or God or purpose don't require you to live up to those types of things. You can be any number of things and still be purposeful.
[00:44:43] And so that's where I'm at now. This is where we're ending this episode. Now I want everyone to exercise their ability to just be themselves, Find the things that overlap and completely lean into it, knowing that there's no pressure. Unless you want to be an archetype, unless you want to be identity driven, where, I mean external identity driven, fine. If you just really just want to live that stressful life, I'm not going to judge you. If that's what you. If that's what you prefer, that's what you want. If that's what helps you get your goals, I'm with you 100%. I'm just challenging that the life on the other side of that, where you recognize that purpose is all that matters. Not identity, your character matters, not your talent.
[00:45:28] Once you recognize those things, peace is part of your life because you're no longer having to live up to expectations outside of what you're capable of.
[00:45:40] Everything about you right now matters already.
[00:45:46] Just be a better you.
[00:45:52] Be well.
